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Stats: 17,847 Members, 72,458 Topics, 15,751 Comments. Date: Aug 24 2019, 9:08 pm

QUESTION: How To Move Forward From A Painful Past [Solved]

Nigeria Student Forum / Questions / Career / How To Move Forward From A Painful Past

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Answered: How To Move Forward From A Painful Past 2:54pm on June 4
Adelani Temiloluwa
School Of Nursing Ondo
Nursing Student
300Level, Nigeria.

You're smart, right? Then don't waste one more second of your precious life fretting about the past.

1. Get fed up with being stuck.

Get very fed up with the tears and depression, the blaming and if-only's. Be really, really tired of carrying this baggage around. Because then you're open to solutions. You're willing to look at yourself.

You're done with the story about how you've been wronged, and you're available for real change from within.

2. Give up being a victim.

If you carry around pain from your past, you've identified yourself as a victim. You believe something was done to you, and if only things had been different, you would have been fine.

Well, here's the truth. What happened, happened. But how you hold it is completely up to you. It's true: suffering is optional. You can choose a mindset of blame and victimhood and continue as you are. Or you can focus on your own peace and happiness.

Don't be concerned about other people — what they did or what you think they deserve. Instead, open your heart to yourself and find the place in you that's never been touched by anything that happened.

3. Don't wait one more minute for an apology.

Believe me when I say you don't need an apology. Why? It puts your well-being in the hands of something you can't control and leaves you waiting — not for an apology, but for happiness.

The only thing you need is to decide that you're going to be at peace. Make this the guiding principle as the moments of your life unfold, and what to do becomes perfectly clear.

4. Get to know how you feed your pain.

Take a look at your inner world and get to know how you feed unhappy stories and painful emotions. Yes, these stories arise in your mind, and the feelings appear. But you can choose to not give them your attention.

When you notice you've been captured by an old story and the feelings that go with it, this is your golden moment. Instead of feeding them, orient your attention to experiences that offer peace, calm, and delight. If you take off your blinders from the past, you will notice them everywhere.

5. Expand your view of yourself.

If you've been holding on to old pain for a long time, it's colored how you see yourself. You're not the limited, broken one you might think you are. Behind the veil of pain, you are way more beautiful than that.

See how this identity has held you back. Then let yourself emerge unveiled — fresh and openhearted.

When you're no longer defined by this story, you'll see that who you are is already whole, never wounded, magnificent beyond measure. Live here, and the pain of the past will be barely a distant memory.

1 UpVote

Fadeyi Oluwaseun
Ladoke Akintola University Ogbomosho
B.tech Marketing Management
200Level, Nigeria.

Human society is a bunch of people scurrying around trying to find pleasure, avoid pain and strike a healthy balance between safety and growth. They screw up a lot in the process.

In order to grow in relationships, you need to accept the risk of getting close to someone. To stay safe is to remain stuck.

When you take the risk and get hurt, you grieve the hurt and begin again.

You must make the decision to live your life as an adult instead of as a wounded child. Then commit to doing the work of moving forward instead of being a constant slave to the past.

If you don’t, you are choosing to relive a time you cannot change at the expense of the present where anything is possible.

A big part of this work is forgiveness. I’ve had to forgive a lot of people in order to be happy, the kids who bullied me, teachers who bullied me, my parents (especially my father), my ex-wife for leaving me and my boys for another man.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean you’re okay with it, forgiveness means you’re done reliving it and choose to move forward. Yes, forgiveness takes a lot more than that but I hope you understand my point.

Forgiveness is necessary to be able to live here and now where life is created.

Your failure to move forward in life is no one else’s fault. Nazi concentration camp survivors found ways to forgive and move forward. If they can do that you can find a way to move forward from whatever happened to you.

But what if I can’t forgive? Then acceptance can be a way forward. It’s been said that “Acceptance is giving up all hope for a better past.” Though you may wish it hadn’t happened, it is the reality. As it is the reality that you still have a life to live.

NOTHING requires you to do this alone. Get the help and support you need to make peace with the past so you can begin living your joyful present instead of reliving your painful past.

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