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Stats: 16,992 members, 65,622 Topics, 14,835 Comments. Date: April 21, 2019, 7:21 pm

Michael Osorhor
Delta state polytechnic otefe oghara ( DESPO )
BUSINESS ADMINISTRATION AND MANAGEMENT
Graduate, Nigeria.
So what can we say about good — and bad — sex across the board?

Good sex is:

1. Consent

You’ll be hard-pressed to find an encounter of good sex without it being consensual. Even in the realm of BDSM, consent and boundaries matter. And no, I don’t mean that both were adults and therefore consent was implied. Clear consent is the foundation for any positive sexual encounter. It’s about as basic as we get.

2. Enthusiasm

Sure, you can have clear consent without enthusiasm. But let’s face it, one of the biggest, best parts about good sex is being wanted. A partner who is willing to have sex, but not excited is going to hold back, be disengaged, and most likely will not be committed to the task at hand. An enthusiastic partner is sexy. When we’re both enthusiastic, we’re more likely to work out disagreements and ensure that all parties are completely satisfied.

3. Connection

I think most people would agree that connection contributes to good sex. You can have all the attraction in the world during the activity, yet if it feels like your partner’s mind is elsewhere, it will put a real damper on the whole sexual experience. Both men and women will frequently describe connection during sex itself as a huge turn-on, and I wholeheartedly concur.

4. Compatibility

This one’s woefully underrated if you ask me. I think purity culture is often to blame — my religious upbringing taught me that there’s no such thing as sexual compatibility. It’s ridiculous, because all of us have different turn-ons, kinks, and fetishes. Different strokes for different folks, right? Some sexual mindsets and physicalities fit together better than others. It’s only natural that compatibility goes a long way toward having good sex.

5. Communication

If we each want to have good sex, we’ve got to be able to talk about sex. It’s staggering how many people feel like they can’t talk about what just happened with the naked person in their bed. None of us are mind readers — we have a responsibility to ourselves and our partners to communicate our desires in the bedroom. And hopefully ask our partner what they need as well.

But good sex isn’t:

1. Gymnastics

Some of us believe we can’t be a good sexual partner if we can’t bend and contort our bodies into pretzel-like shapes. The great news is that good sex doesn’t mean you need to perform acrobatic or gymnastic feats. You can find a sexual position that’s both comfortable and satisfying — it simply takes a little trial, error, and patience. Speaking of performance, that’s not even conducive to good sex. Go for expression over performance.

2. Perfect bodies

When I was in grade school, I read a quote by someone very Hollywood, like Pamela Anderson. She talked about how it was shocking to discover is wasn’t enough to be pretty… she said women were also expected to look good “down there.” In my experience, really good sex doesn’t care how thin or curvy you are. Or whether you wax, shave or go natural. We all have something we dislike about our bodies, but we shouldn’t let our insecurities get in the way of good sex. Good sex happens with penises, vaginas, and labias of every color, shape, and size. Furry or not. The same goes for the rest of the body.

3. Simultaneous orgasms

The demand for simultaneous orgasms results in plenty of disappointed people. Not to mention fake orgasms. Look, orgasms are awesome, but let’s enjoy them as they come… naturally. No one should feel pressured to speed up, slow down, or pull an orgasm like a rabbit out of their hat!

4. Mind reading

In any kind of romantic or sexual relationship, it’s tempting to think it’s supposed to be so damn kismet that neither of you speaks a word — yet you have incredible sex. Okay, so… never say never, but please don’t make this your expectation or goal. You’re not a mind reader, and neither is your partner. Don’t put such pressure on each other to know what the other wants if you’re not even willing to talk about it.

5. Repressed

It’s not like anyone really believes that repression leads to better sex. It’s more how people (especially men) objectify “virginity,” school girls, or any other idea of sexual “innocence.” Some people have this idea that being with a repressed partner will let you tap into all that untapped energy. Meh. Repression doesn’t necessarily go away when you have sex — learning and unlearning after being sexually repressed is what cuts through the repression and leads to better, and eventually good sex.

Good sex is in the eye of the beholder (and the beheld).
Just like we cannot come to a consensus of the best dessert, there is no single definition of good, or even bad sex. The best we can do is talk about the basic principles which tend to apply in each scenario.

And these principles merely scratch the surface. Meaning, this is just a starting place. I would put respect under the category of consent. I’d even say that things like freedom from judgment and the ability to relax are natural byproducts of consent, enthusiasm, connection, compatibility and communication.

Still, this is something we should all be talking about more often. Real sex. Sexual compatibility. What makes sex good, what makes it bad, and how we can keep consent a part of the conversation.

We can’t make sex good — not to mention less weird, taboo, or repressed — until we make it… normal.

Source medium.com/@Shesreallyfat/what-good-sex-is-and-what-it-isnt-8a45d48ea2da
What We Mean When We Say "Good" Or "Bad" Sex ( + 18 ) - Relationships/Romance

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