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Stats: 17,449 members, 69,230 Topics, 15,444 Comments. Date: Jun 16 2019, 6:10 am

Rufai Oladimeji
Lagos State University
100Level, Nigeria.

Assalaamu Aalikum. About 4 months ago I
got engaged. Few days after we got engaged,
we wanted to meet up to discuss things
about our past and confess to each other our
mistakes. We exchanged words of regrets and
anger at our own past. I used to be weak and
experienced kisses, hugs and touches but
nothing more has happened and I repented
and stopped that from happening. I cut any
contact with the person that led me to do
so. I'm still a virgin Alhamdulillaah. He, from
his side had said that he is not a virgin. He
had been practicing this sin for several
months with one of his work colleagues. He
said he also had stopped having sex a long
time before he had met me and asked Allah
for forgiveness. He had stopped any contact
with that woman too. I was in a shock and
felt very disappointed as I never expected to
marry a non virgin. I really liked the guy and
my family found him very respectable and he
is from a good family too. After some time, I
decided that if he had genuinely repented
and that Allah’s is Most Merciful and
inshaallaah that He forgives him, I still
accepted him and thanked him for his
honesty. This way maybe I will be forgiven
too if I forgive him! 4 months later, he
confessed to me that he was still continuing
to have sex with that girl weeks before he
had met me and not months as he had told
me. I felt very hurt for 2 things: that he lied
and that he had sex with another woman and
only few weeks before meeting me! I felt that
this was a short period for him to be
forgiven and for him to forget. He wanted to
come clean and tell me everything about his
past, although I wish he hadn’t told me! I
don’t know if he will lie to me 1day, if I
should forgive him and still accept him as a
husband! Now I feel like Allah has still not
forgiven him and that he doesn’t deserve to
be with me, although I can't imagine my life
without him. I have been ignoring his phone
calls and texts. My family is happy about the
wedding, but do I marry him still? I want to
do the right thing and please Allah. Help me

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the
Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of
worship except Allah, and that Muhammad,
sallallaahu aayhi wa sallam, is His slave and

First of all, you should know that the fiancé
is a non-Mahram for his fiancée, so it is not
permissible for her to be in seclusion with
him or speak to him except for a need.
Furthermore, it is not permissible for a
Muslim to speak about sins he committed in
the past, rather, he is obliged to repent to
Allah without informing anyone.
It is such mistakes [of informing about one’s
past sins] that caused both of you to be
suspicious of each other and to have the
problems which prevented the completion of
this marriage. In any case, both of you are
obliged to repent.

Now, if this young man is religious and has a
good moral conduct and he is the best of
those who have proposed to you, then what
he committed in the past does not matter, if
has sincerely repented. Therefore, we advise
you to perform the Istikhaarah prayer about
marrying him, and Allah will choose what is
best for you.
As regards you firmly blieve that Allah will
not forgive him; how dare you say this? this
is interfering in something that is exclusively
a matter with Allah? The Prophet
informed us that a man said: “ Allah will not
forgive such and such person. ”, and that
Allah said: “ Who is this person who is
swearing on my behalf that I would not
forgive such and such person; I have indeed
forgiven such and such person and I made
your deeds (i.e. the one swearing) worthless. ”
Therefore, you are obliged to repent and
never utter this again.

Finally, it should be noted that a Muslim
should take the initiative to immediately
repent. However, delaying repentance does
not mean that it will not be accepted.
Allah Knows best.


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