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Rufai Oladimeji
, Nigeria.
Question

We have known that wives are
supposed to obey husbands, I
wanted to ask what is the
responsibility and ideal behavior of
the husband as obligated by Islam
and with references of Sunnah,
while his wife is pregnant and
experiencing mood swings,
emotional strain, disrupted sleep
and body aches/pain. I searched
your website but couldn’t find
anything related to how husbands
should react to a wife’s emotional
swings and should refrain from
exerting further stress on them by
becoming angry and silent on trivial
matters; as a result of what, the
wife is neither able to sleep nor able
to eat food. Doctors and several well
wishers have advised not to try to
mop the floor or do any work which
puts pressures on your body to
avoid any bad consequences during
this condition; is she obliged to
clean the room and bathroom which
she otherwise used to do willingly
herself. During pregnancy your food
choices are impacted as a result of
what you don’t eat much and you
don’t eat everything for no reason,
it’s just during this time you don’t
like certain foods, if no fresh food is
prepared at husband’s home and
although there is frozen food in
refrigerator but if the wife wants to
have some fresh food, is there any
wrong if she goes to her Mom’s
place to eat there, taking into
consideration she is coming back
from job and very tired to make
something for dinner after office.
Though you may find these queries
as insignificant matters but these
small things have big impacts on
life when husbands don’t
understand the wife’s point of view
and their condition.

Answer

Praise be to Allah.
In question no. we have
explained that it is obligatory for
the wife to serve her husband, but
that does not mean at all that he
should not pay attention to the
wife’s situation and circumstances.
The matter may be discussed
further, as follows:
Firstly:
Pregnancy is a time of exhaustion
and weakness. That is described in
the Holy Quran, where Allah, may
He be glorified, says (interpretation
of the meaning):
“His mother bore him in weakness
and hardship upon weakness and
hardship”
[Luqman 31:14].
Mujahid said: Exhaustion upon
exhaustion. ‘Ata said: Weakness
upon weakness. Tafseer al-Quran
al-‘Azeem. 6/336
It is well known that all duties
prescribed in Islam are to be within
the limits of what one is able to do.
Allah, may He be glorified and
exalted, says (interpretation of the
meaning):
“Allah burdens not a person beyond
his scope”
[al-Baqarah 2:286].
Although serving the husband is a
duty enjoined by Islam, it is also
limited to that which the woman is
able to do. So it is not permissible
for the husband to burden his wife
with that which she is unable to
bear of combining the burdens of
life, working outside the home and
bearing children. As pregnancy is a
reason for which some duties are
waived, such as fasting, then it is
more appropriate that it should be a
reason for it being obligatory for
the husband to take care of his wife
and show compassion towards her
with regard to her serving him and
taking care of the house.

Secondly:
Although the basic Islamic principle
on which the scholars are
unanimously agreed is that
“hardship dictates that things
should be made easier”, and there is
corroborating evidence that
confirms that, it is also essential
that the wife’s serving of her
husband should not lead to
extraordinary hardship or a great
deal of hardship. Allah, may He be
glorified and exalted, does not want
duties to cause undue hardship to
people as He, may He be glorified
and exalted, says: (interpretation of
the meaning):
“Allah intends for you ease, and He
does not want to make things
difficult for you”
[al-Baqarah 2:185]
“Allah wishes to lighten (the
burden) for you; and man was
created weak”
[an-Nisa 4:28]
“Allah does not want to place you in
difficulty, but He wants to purify
you, and to complete His Favour on
you that you may be thankful”
[al-Maidah 5:6].
If the Prophet (blessings and peace
of Allah be upon him) enjoined
kindness to slaves and servants,
and he forbade their masters to
burden them with anything that
would be too difficult for them,
unless they help them with it --
“(They are) your brothers and
servants whom Allah has placed
under your control, so whoever has
his brother under his control, let
him feed him what he eats and
clothe him with what he wears, and
do not burden him with more than
he can bear. And do not burden
them with more than they can bear,
and if you do that, then help
them” (narrated by al-Bukhari,
2545; Muslim, 1661) -- then how
about a man’s wife and life
companion?!
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah
that the Prophet (blessings and
peace of Allah be upon him) said: “O
Allah, I emphasise the rights of the
two weak ones: orphans and
women.”
Narrated by Ahmad in al-Musnad
(15/416); Muassasat ar-Risalah edn.,
The editors said: Its isnad (chain of
narration) is qawiy (strong).

Thirdly:
At the end of that answer, we
advise the wife to look after her
house as much as possible and to
provide comfort for everyone in it,
and to do her utmost to create an
atmosphere of peace and
tranquillity, and everything that is
needed. And she should ask Allah,
may He be exalted, to help her with
that. We hope that Allah, may He be
exalted, will honour her with kind
treatment from her husband and his
help if she tries sincerely for the
sake of Allah and does not fall short
or neglect anything.
We do not think that you should go
to your mother’s house to eat there
and leave your husband; rather you
should stay with your husband. If
you feel energetic and strong, then
serve him and meet his needs. All
women get pregnant as you are
pregnant; do you see women leaving
their houses and forsaking their
husbands?
Although we excuse you because of
your situation and we would remind
your husband of your rights, it is
not appropriate for you to take that
as an excuse to omit to do whatever
you can of serving him and taking
care of him.
We understand that you are
working outside the home during
your pregnancy; there is no doubt
that serving your husband and
taking care of your health takes
precedence over that. If you are not
able to combine work and taking
care of your house, then take leave
from your work and focus on your
house and husband during this
period.
If that is not possible because of
your circumstances, then hire
someone to help you with the
housework and use some of your
salary to help you with that.
We ask Allah to set your affairs
straight and to help you to treat
your husband kindly and to
reconcile between you.
For more information, please see
the answers to questions no. ,
,
And Allah knows best.

islamqa.info/en/answers/185145/what-should-the-husband-do-for-his-wife-during-pregnancy

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