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She Took Some Of Her Husband’s Money Without His Knowledge To Spend On Her Son’s Marriage

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Rufai Oladimeji
, Nigeria.
Question

Dear shaykh, I arranged my son’s
marriage last year, and the
expenses were huge. I spent a great
deal and my husband swore that he
would not pay any more costs, but I
had not finished buying everything
that was needed for the marriage.
My husband’s money was with me
and I do not have any money of my
own. So I had no choice but to take
some money from my husband’s
money that was with me, without
his knowledge, and I could not tell
him. But by Allah, all I took I spent
on the costs of the marriage. Now I
do not know what to do? Am I a
sinner?

Answer

Praise be to Allah.
Firstly:
The father is obliged to help his son
remain chaste by means of
marriage, especially if he asks him
to do that and he has the need and
desire for it, so as to protect him
from temptation and to maintain
his chastity.
Please see the answers to questions
no. and

Secondly:
One should be moderate with regard
to marriage expenses and not go
beyond the bounds of moderation;
the spending should not reach the
level of extravagance and
wastefulness as is common among
people nowadays.
The scholars of the Standing
Committee said:
Your spending half a million riyals
on your daughter’s marriage comes
under the heading of extravagance
that is forbidden and there is the
fear that you may incur punishment
because of that unless you repent
to Allah, may He be exalted, and
give up this extravagance, because
wealth belongs to Allah, may He be
exalted, and people are entrusted
with it. Islam has set out guidelines
on how to handle this wealth and
has forbidden extravagance and
wastefulness. Allah, may He be
exalted, says (interpretation of the
meaning): “And those, who, when
they spend, are neither extravagant
nor miserly, but hold a medium
(way) between those
(extremes)” [al-Furqan 25:67].
What is meant is: do not be
extravagant by overstepping the
limits of generosity and spending on
sinful things, and do not be miserly
in spending; Rather be in between
that, i.e., between extravagance
and miserliness; adopt a middle
path.
End quote from Fatawa al-Lajnah
ad-Daimah, 16/220-221

Thirdly:
It is not permissible for a woman to
spend her husband’s wealth except
with his permission, unless he is
stingy towards her and her children
and does not fulfil his duty towards
Allah by spending on their
maintenance as obliged. In that
case it is permissible for her to take
from his wealth whatever is
sufficient for her and her children,
on a reasonable basis.
Please see the answer to question
no.
If the husband has not been miserly
towards his son with regard to his
marriage and has spent on him in a
reasonable manner, without being
stingy but in accordance with his
financial situation, it is not
permissible for you to take anything
from his wealth, even if it is to
spend on your son’s marriage.
You mentioned that you had spent a
great deal on this marriage. If what
had been spent was sufficient for
what is customary for someone like
your son, then he does not have the
right to anything more than that
and what you took was a
transgression against your
husband’s wealth.
If it was in line with what is usually
spent on marriage in your country,
for people of similar standing to
you, then you have the right to
make up the costs for your son’s
marriage in a way that will not
adversely affect his father’s wealth
or be unfair to him.
What you must do is pay attention
to the rights of Allah to this wealth
and to the rights of your husband
who is the owner of this wealth, as
well as the sanctity of the oath that
he swore and what is in the best
interests of your other children.
You also have to repent and ask for
forgiveness, and you have to tell
your husband what you did and ask
him to forgive you and let you off.
But if you think it most likely that
your relationship will be adversely
affected or that your husband will
get angry and there will be problems
between you, then you do not have
to tell him. With regard to the extra
money that you spent, if you have
money of your own from a salary,
inheritance or the like, then you
should pay back from your wealth
what you took from your husband’s
wealth without his permission.
If you do not have any wealth, then
repent to Allah and ask for His
forgiveness for that, and strive to
treat your husband kindly as much
as you can and pay attention to his
rights, in the hope that Allah will
forgive you and set things straight
between you.
And Allah knows best.

islamqa.info/en/answers/193405/she-took-some-of-her-husbands-money-without-his-knowledge-to-spend-on-her-sons-marriage

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