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Stats: 17,647 members, 70,873 Topics, 15,582 Comments. Date: Jul 19 2019, 9:32 pm

Rufai Oladimeji
Lagos State University
100Level, Nigeria.

I am a Swedish revert to Islam,
Me and my husband live with our 3
children ages 7,2 and 1 years old in
my country, Sweden. My husband
has recently started to go out with
the Tabligh even though I objected
to it because he is needed at home.
My family are non Muslims and I do
not see them often, my husband's
family doesn't live here and yet he
has no problem going away every
month for some days for what he
calls Khuruj. I have asked him if he
at least could stay in our town and
maybe do i'tikaf, one night at a
time, but it is at least 3 days. Could
you please explain what does it
mean, is it from the Sunnah?
Because every time I ask he says I
cannot object, and he leaves me
and our children with Allah to look
after and he tells me the story of
Ibrahim ('alayhi as-salam) when he
left Hagar in the desert.
I think with our circumstances,
living where we are, there is so
much fitna I do not even take the
bus inside the city and many things
happens at night in our
neighbourhood, so is it right of him
to leave us like this and should I be
confident when he says he leave us
with Allah?
My husband is a good husband
Alhamdulillah, although he has a
hot temper. He hates fatwas, and
respects the scholars but says we
must see what the Quran and the
Sunnah says, Alhamdulillah. Could
you please advice us how to solve
this and please tell us about this
Khuruj in the light of Quran and


There is no doubt that those who
are most deserving of a person’s
care, protection, concern,
upbringing and call are his family,
the members of his own household.
Allah, may He be exalted, says
(interpretation of the meaning):
“O you who believe! Ward off
yourselves and your families
against a Fire (Hell) …”
[al-Tahreem 66:6].
And the Messenger of Allah
(blessings and peace of Allah be
upon him) said: “Each of you is a
shepherd and each of you is
responsible for his flock. The ruler
of the people is a shepherd and is
responsible for his flock. A man is
the shepherd of his household and
is responsible for his flock. A woman
is the shepherd of her husband’s
house and children and is
responsible for her flock. The slave
is the shepherd of his master’s
wealth and is responsible for it.”
Narrated by al-Bukhari (893) and
Muslim (1829).
If a man has shar‘i obligations
having to do with the rights of Allah
and with the rights of His creation,
and he himself wants to strive in
some good causes and do a lot of
supererogatory deeds, then he is
enjoined to strike a balance
between all these rights, and he
should give precedence to those
which are obligatory over those
which are recommended and
encouraged. If he has too many
duties, then he should strive to
combine all these interests,
whenever it is possible to do so.
If there is a conflict between some
of them and others, or he is not
able to combine them, then he must
give priority to the more important
of them over others, and he should
start with the most binding of
obligations upon him, then move to
those that are less important.
It is proven in Saheeh al-Bukhari
(1968) from ‘Awn ibn Abi Juhayfah,
that his father said:
The Prophet (blessings and peace of
Allah be upon him) established the
bond of brotherhood between
Salman and Abu ad-Darda. Salman
visited Abu ad-Darda and saw Umm
ad-Darda looking umkempt. He said
to her: What is the matter with you?
She said: Your brother Abu ad-Darda
has no need of worldly matters. Abu
ad-Darda came and made some food
for him. Salman said: Eat (with me).
Abu ad-Darda said: I am fasting.
Salman said: I will not eat until you
eat – so Abu ad-Darda ate. When
night came, Abu ad-Darda wentto
get up (to pray) and Salman said:
Sleep, so he slept. Then he went to
get up again and Salman said: Sleep.
Then towards the end of the night,
Salman said: Now get up – and they
Salman said to him: Verily your Lord
has a right over you, your own self
has a right over you, and your wife
has a right over you, so give each
one who has a right, his right.
Then he came to the Prophet
(blessings and peace of Allah be
upon him) and told him about that,
and the Prophet (blessings and
peace of Allah be upon him) said:
“Salman is right.”
In this hadith we see that one
should strike a balance between all
duties, and not pay excessive
attention to some at the expense of

A man’s care and protection of his
family includes taking care of
whatever they need in their lives of
maintenance and accommodation,
as is obligatory. That also includes
protecting them from anything that
may pose a danger to them,
whether that has to do with their
lives, their honour or their wealth.
He is enjoined to take care of them
and protect them in all those ways.
This is something that varies from
one time and place to another. If a
man is in a place where his family
will be safe if he leaves them,
either because they are surrounded
by other family members and they
have someone to take care of their
affairs, or because the place where
they reside is generally safe, and
there are few causes of fitnah
there, then in that case it is
permissible for him to travel and
leave them, or to go out to take
care of his own interests, to an
extent that will not cause them any
difficulty or harm.
But if his family are in a place
where their lives, wealth or honour
are not safe, or they fear fitnah in
that place, then what he must do is
stay with them and not go out and
leave them, except in the case of
absolute necessity, in which case he
must pay attention to providing
means of care and protection for
them, or appointing someone to
look after them, or moving to
another place that is more safe.
It was narrated that ‘Abdullah ibn
‘Amr ibn al-‘As said: A man came to
the Prophet of Allah (blessings and
peace of Allah be upon him) and
said: I swear my allegiance to you,
that I will migrate and engage in
jihad, seeking reward from Allah. He
said: “Are either of your parents
alive?’ He said: Yes, both of them.
He said: “Are you seeking reward
from Allah?” He said: Yes. He said:
“Then go back to your parents and
be a good companion to them.”
Narrated by al-Bukhari (1671) and
Muslim (2549)
Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Allan as-
Siddeeqi (may Allah have mercy on
him) said:
The Lawgiver waived the obligation
of migration in his case, giving
precedence to the rights of his
parents. Even though migration was
obligatory for him, it conflicted with
something that was more obligatory
than it, namely the rights of
parents. If it was not obligatory,
then that which is obligatory would
take precedence, but this is only
applicable in the case of one whose
religious commitment is safe in the
place where they (his parents) are.
But if he fears for his religious
commitment, then he must flee for
the sake of protecting it, and leave
behind his parents and children, as
the Muhajiroon did, who are Allah’s
chosen elite among His slaves.
End quote from Daleel al-Faliheen li
Turuq Riyadh as-Saliheen (2/463)
This has been discussed previously
in the answer to question no.
In fact some of the scholars stated
that in such a case, where a person
fears that if he leaves his family
alone in the place where they are
they may be exposed to harm or
danger, the obligation of offering
prayer in congregation is waived for
him, despite the fact that it quickly
ends and requires little time.
It says in Kashshaf al-Qina‘ (1/456):
Yes, if his going to the mosque will
lead to leaving his family on their
own, then he must establish the
prayer in his house, so as to fulfil
the obligation. End quote.
In fact they also stated that one of
the aims of sharee‘ah, to which the
man should pay attention, is
keenness to give company to his
family, even if that is only for a
short time.
It says in Tuhfat al-Muhtaj (2/471):
He has the choice when coming
back (from Friday prayer) between
riding and walking.
Ash-Sharwani said in his
commentary thereon:
This is to be understood as meaning:
unless there is something good he
wants to do (in which case he
should come back quickly), such as
giving company to his family, or
doing some religious duties
concerning them, and so on, or he
wants to protect his faculties from
falling into sin that may be
expected when one is outside the
As that is the case:
What is prescribed for the husband,
if you are living in a place where
you and your family are not safe, is
for him to stay with the members
of his household, and he can still do
all the things that he wants to do of
da‘wah, good deeds, prayer, and
i‘tikaf. He can still do those things
in the same area or city in which
you are living. With regard to
fulfilling these aims of sharee‘ah, it
is not stipulated that they should be
done in one place and not another,
and they are not rituals in which it
is stipulated that one should be in
Makkah or Madinah. Rather they are
kinds of good deeds which a person
may do in the place where he is, in
his own neighbourhood and city.
Thus he may combine doing all
kinds of good deeds with giving
each one who has a right his right,
and he will not be like the one who
builds a castle but destroys the
For more information, please see
the answers to questions no.
, and .

With regard to the husband quoting
the story of the Prophet of Allah
Ibraheem (peace be upon him),
which was narrated by al-Bukhari
(3364) from Ibn ‘Abbas (may Allah
be pleased with him), in which it
“Then Ibraheem brought her and
her (infant) son Isma'eel, whom she
was nursing, and left them beside
the House (the Ka‘bah) near a tree,
above Zamzam in the upper part of
the mosque. At that time there was
no one in Makkah, and there was no
water there. He left them there,
and he left with them a sack in
which there were some dates, and a
waterskin in which there was some
water. Then Ibraheem turned to
leave, and the mother of Isma‘eel
followed him, saying: O Ibraheem,
where are you going and leaving us
in this valley, in which there is no
one and nothing? She said this to
him several times, but he did not
pay any attention to her. Then she
said to him: Is it Allah Who has
commanded you to do this? He said:
Yes. She said: Then He will not
forsake us. Then she went back, and
Ibraheem kept walking until, when
he reached the mountain pass
where they could not see him, he
turned to face the Ka‘bah, then he
offered supplication with these
words, raising his hands and saying:
“O Lord, ‘I have made some of my
offspring to dwell in an uncultivable
valley by Your Sacred House (the
Ka‘bah at Makkah); in order, O our
Lord, that they may perform As-
Salat (Iqamat-as-Salat), so fill some
hearts among men with love
towards them, and (O Allah) provide
them with fruits so that they may
give thanks’ [Ibraheem 14:37]” –
his quoting of this story as evidence
is entirely inappropriate, and has
nothing to do with your story or
your situation at all.
Ibraheem (peace be upon him) only
left his wife and son in that place,
in the sacred land of Allah, beside
the Sacred House of Allah, for a
legitimate shar‘i purpose, based on
the wisdom of Allah, that would be
served by them residing in that
The mother of Isma‘eel was not
aware of the wisdom of Allah behind
her staying in that place, in which
there was no cultivation or water,
and no people to keep her company,
but she asked the Prophet of Allah
Ibraheem whether he was doing
that to them on the command of
Allah, and he replied: Yes. So she
submitted to the command of Allah
and said: Then Allah will not forsake
The one Who revealed to Ibraheem
(peace be upon him) that he should
do this action, which appeared to be
contrary to proper conduct and what
people usually do, was Allah.
It was not an idea that Ibraheem
(peace be upon him) came up with
by himself; rather it was a
revelation from Allah.
Has Allah revealed to us or
commanded us that one of us
should fall short in protecting his
family and the members of his
household, then say that he was
entrusting them to the care of
So why did the Prophet (blessings
and peace of Allah be upon him)
instruct that Sahabi to go back to
his parents and be kind and keep
them company? Allah, may He be
exalted, instructed His Close Friend
Ibraheem to sacrifice his son
Isma‘eel (peace be upon them
both), but can it be valid – whether
according to reason or religious
teaching – for a man to neglect his
family and children, let alone
expose them to harm and danger,
let alone go and sacrifice one of
them, giving as his reason the fact
that Ibraheem (peace be upon him)
did that?
Can it be valid for a man to leave
his family members in the desert, in
a land where there is no cultivation
and no water, and leave them, then
say that Ibraheem (peace be upon
him) did that?
But after all that, and before all
that, we advise you to try to reach
an understanding with your
husband about this problem, in a
calm manner and avoiding trying to
prove him wrong. Rather you should
try to avoid angering him, as much
as you are able, and try to explain
to him that you understand and
respect his convictions, but all you
are asking him to do is to pay
attention to your needs and your
circumstances in the place where
you and your family are living, and
that he should do whatever he can
to have a moderate, balanced
approach, and make some effort so
that you do not reach the stage of
tension in the relationship or
exacerbation of the problems
between you.
We ask Allah to make things easy
for you, and to make your husband
treat you well and make you treat
him well, and to keep you together
in the best way.
And Allah knows best.


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