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Good day,
I have been married for 8 years but I have not actually been enjoying my marriage as my hubby comes after 3 mins of sex. He does not do so well with foreplay as his only means of foreplay is just to touch the vagina a little and once he notices a little wetness he proceeds to penetrate which is usually very painful and peppery even after two days.
I want to know how I can enjoy sex with my man as I almost cheated on him once. He does not kiss like that nor does he do any form of foreplay. He just goes straight to the action and it's always painful and dry. We were able to have kids because we only had sex when I was ovulating and I was wet naturally. Sex is only when he initiates it and it’s usually once in a month or twice in 3 months.
I don’t know how to help him without making him feel less of a man.

Dear anonymous,

Trust me, there's no better way than helping him to please you more.

Being early or quick is clearly effective in most areas in life, like reading or running…but not in sex.

In fact, I know how much of a spoiler it can be after having sex with your husband who finishes too quickly. So to be fair, the average duration of penetrative sex is estimated to be in the range of three to six minutes.

However, below are a few things you can do to help your man hold out so you can both last longer in bed and reach the finish line.


You can try a pregame. Before having sex, make masturbation part of your foreplay. Tell him you want him to watch you touch yourself, he will love it. Plus, it will help you get a head start and close the orgasm gap so that you're both on the same page once you’re having sex.

Also, the squeeze technique really does work. Have your man pull out when things start to get intense for him and squeeze the head of his penis. You don’t have to do it really hard, but just before he feels like he’s going to come, take a pause, and firmly put pressure on the shaft of his penis with your thumb and forefinger. The squeezing can help delay ejaculation, so you two can keep at it longer.

Switching positions also helps. Most men know when they’re about to orgasm, so have yours switch positions when he feels like he’s getting close. You can usually feel your partner’s testicles tightening and lifting more significantly as he approaches orgasm. Moving at this pace, or faster, and with a predictable rhythm can cause him to orgasm, so slowing down or changing up the rhythm can potentially delay orgasm.

There's also no harm in taking a break. While having sex, have your man pull out and rub his chest or kiss a bit, essentially calming down the excitement. This actually brings a much longer experience, which breeds deeper intimacy.



Lastly, you should encourage him to do pelvic floor exercises. Encourage your man to do some daily exercises while he’s sitting at his desk at work. He basically just has to squeeze the muscles between his tailbone and genitals.

You should also communicate more, sit him down and tell him what really works for you - like how you want to be touched and how much you crave more foreplay. Communicating nicely by telling him all your needs won't make him feel less of a man but will enable you both to have those pleasurable intimate moments you've missed out on.

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