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Osorhor Ogenevwegba Michael
Delta state polytechnic otefe oghara ( DESPO )
Graduate, Nigeria.

I’m quite confused. I keep seeing men “defend” their desires to have certain qualities in a woman; yet, their actions don’t match these claims. That’s such a scam!

I wish men would have to wear a sign with their true intentions…

I just want to have sex with you.

I don’t want a relationship with you.

I’m a f*ck boy.

At a bare minimum, men need to learn the art of self reflection and figure out what they REALLY want because it doesn’t seem like they want a committed relationship with a smart and successful woman.

Of course, I am not saying ALL men lie or ALL men avoid commitment…that’s like saying ALL men cheat.

What I do know is that there is a common theme of successful women falling victim to at least one of these 7 lies throughout their dating journey.

Lie number 1: You are the only one.

Dude will sit there with the straightest of faces and pretend like he is only talking to you until some ish hits the fan and you learn otherwise.

For me, I was talking to this guy that was in my messages regularly declaring his love for me AND was planning a trip to see me (he lived in another state….remind me to do a post on my long run with long distance relationships…Jesus halp!). One day, I received a call from his phone but it was a woman on the other line. She told me they had been living together for about a year and that she was pregnant. I later learned she was NOT pregnant, but she was his girlfriend. He STILL tried to convince me that wasn’t true. Well, how did she magically get your phone if you have no dealings with her?!

OR there was the time I thought I was in a relationship with a dude and he abruptly stopped talking to me and proposed to another woman the next week. Clearly, I was not the only one.

Men: Be honest. If you are not looking for a monogamous relationship, just say that!

Lie number 2: I want an independent woman.

This one makes me laugh EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Men want an independent woman until they learn that she’s not domesticated. One of my faves that I get sooo much pushback about is my inability to cook. Men HATE this and will make a huge deal out of it.

My rebuttal: I’ve survived 32 years without cooking so I’m good. If you really want a home-cooked meal you will hire a chef, get takeout, cook OR anything that doesn’t involve depending on me to cook for you. Sorry. Not sorry.

What many men really want is an “independent” woman, who still completes most of the household chores (Do we still say chores in 2018? *Asking for myself*).

Lie number 3: I want to be friends first and then see where things go.

At face value, this may seem like a reasonable request. It’s not. This line screams “let me see how much I can get from her without committing to her.” If a man truly wants to get to know you he will date you. Non-exclusive dating is a thing, so there’s no need to be friends.

Men: We don’t need new friends, especially ones that are trying to have sex with us. We are looking for a potential partner. Either step-up or get out of the way.

Lie number 4: Don’t worry about her.

In the context of relationships I’ve wondered

Am I being insecure?

Could they really just be friends?

I mean I know about their relationship.

Women, trust your gut when these red flags exist.

Red Flag 1: Being defensive about any question related to this female friend.

Men, you should be able to answer questions about your best friend Jessica just like you answer questions about your best friend Chris.

Red Flag 2: Related to number 1, being secretive about parts of the friendship.

I’m nosey, I want to know if there is any past history between you and your female friend. Refusal to answer or giving me a broad statement like “we have a little bit of a past history” is a no-go for me.

Red Flag 3: A strong desire to talk to this female friend every day.

Organic communication is one thing, but if you have to talk to this person every day, especially multiple times a day that is a sign that this person is fulfilling some emotional void. This is going to be a source of contention.

To be clear, I’m not saying platonic friendships between men and women don’t exist. It’s when there are clear red flags that this is an issue. I wanted to clarify this point because someone hopped in my DMS and made sure I knew this (and nope this person doesn’t follow me)!

My best friend is a guy and we’ve been friends for over 5 years. We talk everyday just like I talk to my female friends everyday. Neither of us are interested in any type of sexual relationship with each other. This is some BS.

P.S. Who wants to tell sis. I think he might be interested.

This DM adds another red flag I forgot to mention. If you have to defend your opposite-sex friendship, especially unsolicited that’s a problem. As a man, do you defend your friendship with Chris? If so, that’s a problem too!

Lie number 5: You know I gotchu.

This phrase often comes up for men, who want women to know that they will support them both financially and emotionally. However, they often fall short. Just because a woman is successful and independent doesn’t mean she is above getting support from her dude.

Ish gets tough we need someone to vent to sometimes. We are doing so much dope ish in our careers. Support US and show up! Leave the excuses at the door, please.

Lie number 6: Let’s build our future together.

Uhh, are we building houses?! Exactly what are you referring to when you say “let’s build.” Empty promises plus potential isn’t building anything but frustration and leaving women wondering how long they are supposed to “hold you down.”

Growing together in the context of a relationship requires a team effort, so bruh you have to contribute more than hopes and dreams to “build” anything.

Lie number 7: I want an intelligent woman.

This might be my favorite lie of all time. Men think they want an intelligent woman until they get one.

Let me back up… some men are so intimidated by intelligent and successful women that they won’t even approach them in public. They will say

Well I thought you already had somebody.

HOW, DO YOU KNOW?! You didn’t ask me.

If they manage to get past the initial contact then their insecurities show up in soo many ways.

They want to downplay a woman’s career and/or her degrees.

They constantly talk about their financial status.

Or find ways to point out flaws within the woman, so it’s clear “she’s not all that”

One of the best things I read on twitter (@datingwdegreed is where you can find me) was that I wish more men would seek out therapy to work through their personal insecurities so that they can be a better partner and just overall better human.

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