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Stats: 17,278 members, 67,736 Topics, 15,170 Comments. Date: May 24 2019, 4:04 pm

Adefusi Happiness Oluwapelumi
Animal nutrition and biotechnology
200Level, Nigeria.

You had to drag it out of them.
Your trust is shattered.
You’re not feeling good about yourself anymore.

Realizing that your partner has cheated can inspire a slew of insecurities. You might start feeling like you’re not attractive enough, or you might start obsessing over what you may have done wrong to drive them to this behavior. Remember: There are countless reasons why someone may cheat, and there's no reason to blame yourself for it — in fact, the reason may have nothing to do with you. Your partner may be feeling insecure themselves lately and wanted to feel desirable, for example. That doesn’t mean that their actions won’t affect you, and if it gets to the point where your self-image feels negatively impacted, it may be time to walk away.

Richardson says it's important to recognize if you've become someone you don't like — someone's who's possessive, jealous, or mean, for example. "If you feel like your best self can no longer show up in the relationship, it is best that you walk away so that you can take better care of yourself," she explained.

Of course, this is something you should consider discussing with your SO before taking action. Letting them know how their behavior has made you feel will give them the opportunity to at least attempt to lessen your insecurities.

Your partner may not understand what you’re going through, but ideally they will at least give you validation for your feelings. In cases where your SO is so uncomfortable, guilty, or in denial that they can’t seem to sympathize with or have patience for your emotions surrounding the experience and the nagging questions that may flare up as a result, Trescott says you may not be able to repair your relationship post-cheating.

“If the person who cheated still wants to make it about themselves after they’ve cheated and not what they can do with and for you to purge yourself of this experience and even cleanse yourself of the emotional torture and trauma, then your heart may never feel truly seen or supported ever again within this relationship,” she says. “If you’re addressing the situation and your partner isn’t, you may wind up outgrowing the relationship before you can even out-love it.”

To be clear, not all relationships must end at the first sign of infidelity. Very often, cheating is a sign that something else is wrong in a relationship — so it’s up to you to decide whether that’s something that you’re willing to work on together, or whether it’s not worth it.

It's still possible that you are simply hurt beyond repair. While we all make mistakes, you deserve someone who you can trust, and who makes you feel good about yourself. If you get to a point where neither of those things is true, it’s important to communicate your concerns with your partner before making any rash decisions. Explore what might help rebuild your trust and your security in this relationship, whether between just the two of you or with the help of a trained professional, like a couples’ therapist. If you reach a point where it just doesn’t seem possible to repair the damage that’s done, you have every right to close this chapter — trust me, now that you’re stronger for this experience, the next one is going to be even better.

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