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Adefusi Happiness Oluwapelumi
Animal nutrition and biotechnology
200Level, Nigeria.

Principles to Follow to Make a Marriage Work
Romanticizing healthy marriages with the absence of conflicts is misleading. Couples have internalized the misguided notions of healthy marriages, which is why the divorce rates have risen up. Marriage is not what is shown in films and TV shows but rather; it entails tolerance, endless love, and understanding.

Ironic is the fact that couples separate and divorce but not many digs deeper to find out what went wrong in the marriage. Everyone dreams of a healthy marriage, but not many contemplate over things what binds a couple together.

Here are the five ways to make your marriage last.

1. Communicate, communicate and communicate
Effective communication is the key to making any relationship last. One thing to be mindful about is that communication barriers should not exist. Speak your heart out. Having a bad day? Call your partner. Need to clear things out? Do it.

Being reluctant and over-analyzing situations based on mere assumptions will do no good. In order to make lives tad bit less complicated, it is better to talk it all out.

Don’t stack up bitter feelings against your significant other.

From day one, share a bond which compels you to discuss everything with your loved one. Therefore, communicate.

2. Be best friends first
Don’t start off your relationship as couples but rather, kickstart your relationship as best friends. Share your past with each other.

Be sincere. Make it a habit to rant, banter, discuss, disagree and resolve disputes over a cup of tea at night because that’s what best friends do, right?

Value yourself and make your significant other feel valued too.

Give each other personal space whenever either one needs it. Shower endless love and support on each other but forbid oneself to be overly-possessive. Consider yourself as married adults but treat yourself as intimate friends-making a way through marriage and life, in general.

3. Expectations hurt
Higher expectations will drain the life out of you and will bring no good. It’s normal to expect fifty-fifty efforts in any kind of relationship. Let me give you a reality check- No one reciprocates the exact amount of love and effort as their partner gives, and this is perfectly okay because that’s not how it’s supposed to work in the first place.

Raising the bar will only lead the marriage to take a downhill road- endless fights, false assumptions, and exasperation.

Instead of keeping a score, plan birthdays, go out on dinner dates frequently, make love, travel, surprise your partner often regardless of whether your significant other has put more or less the same effort.

Successful couples do not stop trying if either one stops it. They bless each other anyway. Your love for your loved one should not be dependent on the number of times they have put in the effort to make you happy. Rather, grace your partner with appreciation and mercy because true love knows no bounds.

Expectations hurt
4. Be understanding
Marriage is not supposed to be a bed of roses and neither it is. It will get ugly and messy. Therefore, in times like these, one of the two of you has to be the bigger person. Being the bigger person does not mean to crush your self-esteem for your significant other.

Rather, it means to be accepting and tolerant of the insecurities and flaws of your partner.

For instance, don’t lose your calm if you know that your partner is short-tempered. Let your loved one spit out all the anger and hurtful comments.

After everything gets back on track, sit down and make your partner aware of their snag. Building on, this was the just one instance. Be mindful and don’t get the situation get a better hold of either one of the two.

5. Pay generous compliments
It’s in human nature to feel validated via appreciation and praise from time to time. Therefore, both the partners should always try to lift each other up in low times. Couples should make it a habit to praise each other genuinely.

Praise does not only incorporate ‘you look so pretty today’ or ‘you are so beautiful’ but rather, compliment each other on their smartness, their inner persona and their personality as a whole.

Be generous enough to compliment each other at all times. Be emotionally invested because that’s how the connection between the two parties will strengthen.

These are the main principles for making your marriage work; follow them and make sure that you and your partner have a healthy and successful relationship.

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