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Why Your Relationships Will Improve When You Stop Searching For 'The One'

Nigeria Student Forum / General Discussion / Relationships/Romance / Why Your Relationships Will Improve When You Stop Searching For 'The One' (39) Views

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Adefusi Happiness Oluwapelumi

The idea of soulmates is a popular and widespread concept.

Everyone is searching for "the one"—the person they're destined to be with for the rest of their lives.'

The problem is, the idea of us all having "one true love" that we're meant to end up with really has no basis in reality. Relationships take a complex combination of work, timing and compatibility, so assuming that things will just fall into place because you found the person your soul is fated to be with is setting you up for failure.

If you're not convinced that holding onto the idea of soulmates is harming your romantic life, keep scrolling to see why your relationships will improve if you stop searching for "the one."

You'll Recognize That Relationships Take Work
The soulmate idea basically claims that, once you find your perfect match, everything else will just fall right into place. With that concept in mind, the idea of putting in effort seems pointless and ridiculous. Once your relationship requires some energy on your part, you'll simply write it off as being the wrong person and allow your romance to fizzle.

Unfortunately, a relationship that's just all-around easy simply isn't realistic. No matter how well-suited you may be to another person, all relationships take conscious effort and a fair amount of hard work. It's only when you let go of that soulmate concept that you're able to embrace the idea of working for a good relationship, thus creating healthier, more stable romances in the future.


You'll Work Harder to Resolve Conflicts
Claiming there's someone out there who's so well-suited to you that things will just fall into place makes it difficult to weather conflicts in your relationship. Every time you fight with your partner, you'll end up wondering if this relationship is even right for you, or if you're only arguing because they're not your "perfect" person.

All relationships have conflict. Embracing the idea that no romance will be free of fighting gives you the motivation you need to work through problems and try to keep your relationship alive, rather than clinging to the idea that there's someone out there who will give you the conflict-free romance you've been craving. Once you let go of that soulmate idea, you'll be much more willing to work through conflicts with your partner, thereby creating a romance that acknowledges your problems and deals with them instead of falling apart at the first disagreement.

You Won't Expect Someone to Complete You
Perhaps the most harmful part of the soulmate idea revolves around the fact that there's someone in the world who completes you. This implies that you're never going to be enough on your own, and that, eventually, you'll find someone out there who smooths out all your problem areas. Not only is it a totally misguided idea, it's also a lot of pressure to put on any one person.

Expecting to find someone who completes you means you'll always be looking to that person to fix your problems. All your fear, anger, sadness and doubts will suddenly become their issue, as you wait for them to take on the necessary role of wiping away your more negative qualities. Relationships just can't thrive under all those unrealistic expectations, and, eventually, all that pressure is guaranteed to take its toll. Not only does it keep you from building a fulfilling life on your own, it also creates a very co-dependent relationship that just can't last for a lifetime.


You'll Be Willing to Work on Yourself
In addition to putting too much pressure on your partner, expecting someone else to complete you also means you throw out the idea that you should be working on yourself. If you expect someone to take on and help smooth away your issues, you won't feel a need to deal with your own problems and address the more problematic parts of your personality.

We all have areas of improvement, but clinging to the idea that your problems will go away when you meet the right person keeps you from improving yourself. It stops you from addressing your more harmful traits and becoming a well-rounded, emotionally intelligent individual. Basically, it stunts your emotional growth, which is bound to have a negative impact on your communication and interactions in a relationship, thereby keeping you from building a healthy romance.

You'll Be More Committed
In reality, other connections are always a possibility. That's why commitment is so meaningful—because you choose to stay with one person, through good times and bad. Waiting for your soulmate interferes with your ability to commit, whereas letting go of the idea that there's only one person out there for you allows you to focus on making your current romance the healthiest it can be for a longest amount of time.

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